Just your normal asshole drunk self. What DO you remember?” “I ate off your plate. I read some of my book. A partial blow job, someone didn't finish, as they should have. That's it,” he replied. I felt my face burning. Not really embarrassed, but something more. I bared my nose in the back of his neck. Breathing his scent in deeply. Memorizing it very well. I couldn't lie to him. Not Yoda. Swallowing down the fear of losing him, I contemplated how to tell him. He trusts me to tell him exactly what happens when he gets drunk. I couldn't face him ever again, if I were to lie to him. “I told you to sit down a few times. You kept saying no. Finally, I went to push you back into the chair and you grabbed my shirt. I fell down with you. You said “See, I'm a good boy. I sat down.” Then the dogs started fighting and you tossed me to them. I got up and sat on the couch. You looked at me and stood up. Leaning over me, you said “oh really now.” I knew that by pulling your shirt. Instead of. She said no. But I could have the dress. We were both crying when we said goodbye.I tried again two days later. It might have been the exact same conversation. We were both locked into our positions, and couldn't budge out of them. I wasn't going to be a party to my own humiliation. I didn't tell her that, but I did say that I had stopped. The only thing she asked to that, was whether I had carried out a purge of my clothing, and she strictly forbade it. Anyway, she refused to return my papers again, and we were both crying, again, and we said goodbye, again. Except she added, "Lee, don't call me until you're ready to trust me." Which meant, ready to be humiliated, I understood. The last thing she whispered I wasn't sure I'd heard, for months. "I still love you."I worried about her concern for a purge all weekend. The only thing I could think of was that she planned on exposing me, and wanted that for evidence. Well, I could get around that -- I've got lots of experience, lots of.
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